God's Play

When I started this blog, and learn't that other people could become members to my blog, I immediately thought of my two best friends. And that’s how the idea, "Over a Cup of Tea" came about. We three always seem to have the most important discussions of our lives over a cup of tea. But then when I stated writing and all that I could think of were these sad incidents, I wanted anonymity. I wonder why? It wasn’t as if my friends didn’t already know about it…I don’t know why baring my heart out to complete strangers seemed so much better than doing it with friends I have know all along.

I guess that was actually not it. It is more that we had already spoken about it, and I guess everybody expected me to get over it, or come to some sort of a closure. But to me, being happy sometimes equals to being selfish and forgetting my loss, my babies. And I don’t know why but I don’t want to do that. And here in my blog, I don’t have any restrictions on how many times I talk about it, and keep those sad memories alive.

Believe me, if it were anybody other than me saying this, I would’ve never understood it. The idea would seem too knotted up in a strange Freudian way to me, but now in my head it is simple and clear. I don’t want get over it, ever.

My blog is not my sad diary, where I have to rant out everything unfair that’s happened to me, No. I have an amazing husband, great friends, loving family and an otherwise really incredible life…and you just have to take my word for it that I am not a sad person. But I don’t want to let go of this feeling…and I don’t have the courage to tell anyone about it, because it just seems so weird.

I think I kind of understand America’s obsession with psychologists…well, not really, but then it is like having a friend whom you are paying to listen to whatever it is that you have to say or want to talk about. And because you are paying them, you don’t feel guilty about boring them and because they are not your friend or husband or somebody you really care about, you don’t think about any of the effects that your continuous blabbering might have on them. Now, that’s kind of cool! And boy! It is kind of weird to think that when God made the world, he said, "...and there’ll be these people who would listen to others." ..I mean I understand the playmates, at least they are supposed to be the comic relief in the play, but psychologists, imagine how boring that ‘act’ would be! No I think they help their characters keep the drama effect in control. You see, over dramatization would just kill the play. More later..Ciao!