I had always thought, God why couldn't I be better liked, why couldn't I be the quiet sweet kind of person. For those who don't know me, I have a tendency to speak my mind. But I guess while reading 'Eat, Pray, Love', Gilbert seemed pretty convincing when she says God made me this way for a reason. If he wanted me to be different, he would have made me different. So, that enlightenment, cast light on many other notions as well. I now believe that people in my life have also been arranged for a reason, the ones who like me and the ones who don't.
I have started believing in destiny as well. Like I was destined to marry so and so [no complaints there;)], travel all the way to the US, and then travel some more; meet the people I did, give birth to a wonderful son and lead the life I do. So when I found 'Tuesdays with Morrie' on the library book sale for 25 cents, it was 'meant to be'... I had to read it again. And I am so happy I did.
In the beginning, I was a little underwhelmed. I didn't know why I had liked it so much the first time around, as I got around to page 86, I knew why. Morrie was a very sensible man. He was emotional, without being foolishly self-obsessed. When he gets a letter calling him a great man, 'a prophet' and his friends seem impressed, he very quickly disagrees. He could wallow in self-pity every single day, but he chooses not to.
Morrie had a problem with the world as he saw it. He found it very self-obsessed. We care so much about just us and spend so much energy just taking care of ourselves. Just constantly thinking about loosing weight, staying fit (yes even the good parts) what we'll eat, what we'll wear, what will 'people' think of....our outfit, our shoes, our home, our cooking, our car, our jobs. How could somebody not like us, how could somebody hurt us so much?! The thoughts that consume our days are so self-centered. We are constantly preoccupied with the thought of ourselves and everything in this world that involves us or should involve us. Even when we think of or do things for others, it comes with strings attached. There is always the expectation of something is return. How come my boss didn't say anything about my project, why didn't my friend make a mention my kind gesture?!
It is good to exercise, to stay fit, to eat healthy, to look good, to care for your skin...and well compliments sure make you feel nice, but not getting any should not disabilitate our lives to a point that we cannot function without it. These thoughts I believe should not consume our lives...and unfortunately they do, and we'll find every argument in the book to refute it. I bet many of you are thinking of reasons as you read. Yes it is our lives after all. There is a very fine line between being self-aware, and being self obsessed.
Now, time for some good news. I feel taking care of someone, is therapeutic. For me the most self-less act I perform is when I'm with my son, while I'm changing his diapers, or giving him a bath, or making a fool of myself to entertain him...it is in the now. It is not with an expectation that he'll take care of me, when I'm old, or not that I expect him to thank me. When you wake up 5 times a night and are trying to get a child to sleep at 4.00 in the morning, the joy and satisfaction is in seeing them sleep so peacefully!
So yeah, having kids is good; taking care of anyone without any expectation is better! Try it and you'll know what I'm talking about. As the scriptures say; do it with love, do it with devotion, and do it without any expectations. This is no revelation, I didn’t mean for it to be…it is however a kind and gentle reminder, one that I hope will become a part of me.