Morie says there is no formula to relationships

"There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.

In business people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want. Maybe you are too used to that. Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own. You had this wonderful relationship with 'x'. You no longer have what you had with them. You never want them to stop, change. But thats part of being human. Stop, change, renew, stop, change, renew."

My very own book of Awesome!

Inspired by Neil's Book of Awesome, I decided that, my husband and I could write our own book of 1000 Awesome things about us. Well, for starters...he loved the idea, ah! how divine:) So the deal is that we'd get a book/journal and make entries whenever we feel or notice something awesome about us...no limit on how many entries to make, and no judging on what constitutes an entry.

And today, I got the idea for my first entry. I was flipping channels yesterday for something to watch while prepping veggies for my cooking...and Dr. Phil was advising a couple on bringing romance back into the marriage. Well, not that I feel our marriage lacks romance, but I wanted to hear it for the kicks. So he said, most marriages/relationships have a natural ability to include romance in their day to day activities. And what most people consider chemistry is what drives us out of our comfort zone to do things that we'd otherwise think stupid. Well, I flipped the channel after that and didn't listen to the whole thing...but this morning when I came back from my walk, my son was sleeping and my husband was up (usually its the other way round) and in the shower...he asked me to join in and even though I had a hundred things to do, I joined him :)

It later got me thinking, I am not a warm and fussy romantic person, but our marriage is. I had never thought, I'd be the kind to make dirty pillow talk, but hey! I surprised myself...So here's to realizing that you are in a relationship most people (including you) would dream of!

And as my husband would put it...to a really good morning!! How Awesome!!!

Why are we so self-obsessed?

I had always thought, God why couldn't I be better liked, why couldn't I be the quiet sweet kind of person. For those who don't know me, I have a tendency to speak my mind. But I guess while reading 'Eat, Pray, Love', Gilbert seemed pretty convincing when she says God made me this way for a reason. If he wanted me to be different, he would have made me different. So, that enlightenment, cast light on many other notions as well. I now believe that people in my life have also been arranged for a reason, the ones who like me and the ones who don't.

I have started believing in destiny as well. Like I was destined to marry so and so [no complaints there;)], travel all the way to the US, and then travel some more; meet the people I did, give birth to a wonderful son and lead the life I do. So when I found 'Tuesdays with Morrie' on the library book sale for 25 cents, it was 'meant to be'... I had to read it again. And I am so happy I did.

In the beginning, I was a little underwhelmed. I didn't know why I had liked it so much the first time around, as I got around to page 86, I knew why. Morrie was a very sensible man. He was emotional, without being foolishly self-obsessed. When he gets a letter calling him a great man, 'a prophet' and his friends seem impressed, he very quickly disagrees. He could wallow in self-pity every single day, but he chooses not to.

Morrie had a problem with the world as he saw it. He found it very self-obsessed. We care so much about just us and spend so much energy just taking care of ourselves. Just constantly thinking about loosing weight, staying fit (yes even the good parts) what we'll eat, what we'll wear, what will 'people' think of....our outfit, our shoes, our home, our cooking, our car, our jobs. How could somebody not like us, how could somebody hurt us so much?! The thoughts that consume our days are so self-centered. We are constantly preoccupied with the thought of ourselves and everything in this world that involves us or should involve us. Even when we think of or do things for others, it comes with strings attached. There is always the expectation of something is return. How come my boss didn't say anything about my project, why didn't my friend make a mention my kind gesture?!

It is good to exercise, to stay fit, to eat healthy, to look good, to care for your skin...and well compliments sure make you feel nice, but not getting any should not disabilitate our lives to a point that we cannot function without it. These thoughts I believe should not consume our lives...and unfortunately they do, and we'll find every argument in the book to refute it. I bet many of you are thinking of reasons as you read. Yes it is our lives after all. There is a very fine line between being self-aware, and being self obsessed.

Now, time for some good news. I feel taking care of someone, is therapeutic. For me the most self-less act I perform is when I'm with my son, while I'm changing his diapers, or giving him a bath, or making a fool of myself to entertain him...it is in the now. It is not with an expectation that he'll take care of me, when I'm old, or not that I expect him to thank me. When you wake up 5 times a night and are trying to get a child to sleep at 4.00 in the morning, the joy and satisfaction is in seeing them sleep so peacefully!

So yeah, having kids is good; taking care of anyone without any expectation is better! Try it and you'll know what I'm talking about. As the scriptures say; do it with love, do it with devotion, and do it without any expectations. This is no revelation, I didn’t mean for it to be…it is however a kind and gentle reminder, one that I hope will become a part of me.

New Routine, how abt a 3.5 mile walk everyday?!

Yep, I'm...well we are (me and my friend) are into walking now. Well, we wanted to run, but we have settled on walking for now. It great and we love it. We calculated that it burned about 240-263 calories, depending on your weight.

http://www.eddieoneverything.com/sports/how-many-calories-does-activity-x-burn.php

From tomorrow, we plan on adding weights to our walk, so that we get some toning as well. The weights we use are the kind that you can tie on your arms and legs. You can get it at Below5 for 5 bucks a pair.

I can never walk more than 2 miles on a treadmill, it is mind numbingly boring for me...but I like the walk outside. You get fresh air, talk with a friend, nothings beats that. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm hoping I get addicted to it. I am also hoping that we start running....fingers crossed:) And here's a really great article on how to get started.

http://running.about.com/od/getstartedwithrunning/ht/getstarted.htm

Happy Mother's Day

Well, let me begin by wishing every mom a Happy Mother's Day. For me it was a really nice day, just what I wanted. My husband, and my 14 month old hadn't got any cards, so before I woke up, they tried their hand at making a card, and presented it to me...and it was very nice but my husband did not like it as much, so they told me to relax, call my friends, take a bath while they went card shopping. And that's exactly what I did. They came a while later with cards and breakfast:) So after a really nice breakfast and an afternoon nap, we went out to watch the new movie 'Babies'. And omg, it was so adorable. It was like watching my son's past year come alive!!

We then went out to have dinner with our friends, and it was just one of those days that turns out really well, without any prior planning involved. I love you my baby! Thanks for making me your mommy:)

Unresolved

My baby got his first official haircut today:) And he did so well. At just 14 months, he wasn't one bit scared...actually he was just one tiny bit, and then when I held him, he was just fine. We took tons of pics. Normally, I would have come back home, called everyone back home, and naratted the whole event in great detail. But today, I didn't.

For the past couple of months, I have been talking very less with my in-laws. My friend suggested that the best way for me, would be to talk/share less and stay formal but cordial. I try, but I don't know how to do that. I don't really say much when I am formal, it is strictly need to know basis...and I am so sad today, cause I know, they would have loved to hear everything. They might have not liked the haircut, nor the fact that I got it done sooooo short. But they would have for sure loved all the details.

To add to it, the Mother's day is coming up. I feel horrible, when all the ads come up. Even if I call her, and wish her (which I know I will)I will be a mess.

Cooked a lot of food today, that always helps me ease the pain. A loved it all. He saw me crying today, asked me why (he probably knew it was the ads) but I cannot talk abt it anymore. I have nothing new to say...its just that the issues stays unresolved within me.

At Peace

I am at peace today, something that is becoming more and more uncommon for me. I am not usually unhappy, but mostly just have an underlying unsettling feeling. We are towards the end of our stay in US (came in 2004 March) and today, I had a feeling that I am done with the US...and don't get me wrong, DONE in a good way. So I am at peace knowing that an era in my life has come to the end, and we look forward to new beginnings. We don't know where we are going yet, but that we are going to a new place (hopefully) is dawning on me, and I LIKE IT:) We might move by June end or Sept. I am applying for a PhD program, don't know where I'll get selected, don't even know if I'll get selected...but we'll see. For now I want to enjoy the summer. Get my son into the Y for a couple of days a week. He is a wonderful 13 month old kid. Get together with all my friends, and just have fun in the 'NOW' moment. I hope this peace lasts.

So I have an 'Issue'... a real issue in my life:(

My in-laws don’t ‘get’ me. Their way of ‘taking me into the family’ is for me to consider them authorities on everything and every issue there is, and accepting their worldview. Unfortunately, I have started feeling I have nothing in common with them. I am emotionally and intellectually so distant from them, that I find it hard to stand their oft given endless ‘constructive’ criticism. Though my husband treats my distress as his own, it is hardly a consolation. I hate to be in pain, and hate even more to see them in pain. Every interaction leaves me feeling irritated, resentful and depressed. I know that I have to live with them, constantly listening to them criticize me in-front of all other relatives and friends, in their usual cheek-in-tongue style.

Everything for them is perfect as long as I’m plastic about the whole issue. The moment, I become human, problems seem endless.

Trying to talk to them doesn’t work. They seem to understand then, and all issues seem settled…but this peace last only for a couple of days and the comments start again. As of now, I don't have to deal with it because I am in US. But we will be moving back soon...and more than that the thought bothers me everyday. AND I MEAN EVERYDAY. I have stopped talking about it, thinking, it'll fade away, but it just doesn't seem to.

Any thoughts anyone?!