At Peace

I am at peace today, something that is becoming more and more uncommon for me. I am not usually unhappy, but mostly just have an underlying unsettling feeling. We are towards the end of our stay in US (came in 2004 March) and today, I had a feeling that I am done with the US...and don't get me wrong, DONE in a good way. So I am at peace knowing that an era in my life has come to the end, and we look forward to new beginnings. We don't know where we are going yet, but that we are going to a new place (hopefully) is dawning on me, and I LIKE IT:) We might move by June end or Sept. I am applying for a PhD program, don't know where I'll get selected, don't even know if I'll get selected...but we'll see. For now I want to enjoy the summer. Get my son into the Y for a couple of days a week. He is a wonderful 13 month old kid. Get together with all my friends, and just have fun in the 'NOW' moment. I hope this peace lasts.

So I have an 'Issue'... a real issue in my life:(

My in-laws don’t ‘get’ me. Their way of ‘taking me into the family’ is for me to consider them authorities on everything and every issue there is, and accepting their worldview. Unfortunately, I have started feeling I have nothing in common with them. I am emotionally and intellectually so distant from them, that I find it hard to stand their oft given endless ‘constructive’ criticism. Though my husband treats my distress as his own, it is hardly a consolation. I hate to be in pain, and hate even more to see them in pain. Every interaction leaves me feeling irritated, resentful and depressed. I know that I have to live with them, constantly listening to them criticize me in-front of all other relatives and friends, in their usual cheek-in-tongue style.

Everything for them is perfect as long as I’m plastic about the whole issue. The moment, I become human, problems seem endless.

Trying to talk to them doesn’t work. They seem to understand then, and all issues seem settled…but this peace last only for a couple of days and the comments start again. As of now, I don't have to deal with it because I am in US. But we will be moving back soon...and more than that the thought bothers me everyday. AND I MEAN EVERYDAY. I have stopped talking about it, thinking, it'll fade away, but it just doesn't seem to.

Any thoughts anyone?!