Does choosing happiness sound a little selfish?

I am beginning this with the last line of my last post, 'Top 5 Regrets of the Dying' by Bronnie Ware:

“Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

When my husband read that article, he asked: “Does choosing happiness sound a little selfish?”

And yes, I did get his point, choosing one's happiness seems like a selfish way of living. So here is my response.

I do not have anything against helping family/friends/relatives/community, but for me it has to be a choice, an active decision. So the narrative has to be, “I chose to help so and so, rather than I felt obligated to help so and so”.

Because when forced into decisions that others take for them, the narrative becomes, “if not for this, my life could have been different, and I, at the end of my life, regret not having led a life that I wanted.”

Helping others, in my opinion, should be gratifying. It should not lead to resentment and bitterness. And if it is an active decision, it won't lead to bitterness, but if it is a passive following, it most definitely will.

I feel every person on this earth has a purpose, and he/she is designed for that purpose. And while we don't get to choose the entire life in one go, we take decisions every day, small and big, that ultimately define our lives. And if other people decide for us, we are leading a passive life. Again, there is no harm is helping someone make a decision, but ultimately it has to be their choice.

Given the freedom, I think everyone will choose to help others. Because doing something for others make most of us happy. But the extent or the kind of help might differ, for some it might be giving to charity, volunteer, adopt a kid, build a school, help a community, ...for others it might just mean being there for somebody; some might lay their lives for the country, others choose small acts of kindness. And it is all justified. If there was just one right code of conduct, everyone would be built like that, there would be no variation…because while we need heroes and martyrs, we also entertainers and comedians, we need charitable businessmen, entrepreneurs, clerks and soldiers alike; we need someone to be mean to us to know how it feels when we are mean to others. We need people to help us climb, we need others to bring us down, when we are flying high.

The gist being, choosing happiness is not selfish; I think that's all that God really wants us to do, be thankful for the life we have been given, make the most of it, and choose happiness and peace. Whatever makes us happy is right for us. So, if making money makes you happy, then it is right for you. But we do know of so many instances where people who feel - status in society, more money, a big home, large estates, or buying tons of things and having big bank balances makes them happy, might not necessarily be happy. They most certainly won’t be any happier, doing more of the same thing. Momentary pleasure should not be confused with happiness. Happiness is one that lasts, that always gives joy! If you are not happy, that's God's way of telling you, your life has gotten side tracked from your purpose, you need to change something.

I think, that's what it means to choose happiness! And I think it is this choice that we have to consciously make all our life.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

By Bronnie Ware, author of the full-length memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, recently released worldwide.
_______________________________

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.