Ask any student-parent in the university and they will tell you, it is a hard job!
I have finally managed to submit my seventh term assessment (still anxiously waiting for the viva), but there is no time to rest or take a break, because I have to finish my literature review, start writing new chapters if I am to keep up with my schedule of finishing up the first draft by September.
A normal day in life begins early, getting ready, getting my son ready for nursery (I am tired by the time I finish his brushing, breakfast and shower), and dropping him off before I head out to the department. After a full day of studying, attending courses, library visits and some writing, you rush back to pick them up in time. This is actually my favourite time of the day when I get to hear all about his day at the nursery and just getting the hug and settling in to a cuddle till he finishes the milk and biscuits. Sometimes his friend from nursery comes over – and they play for about half an hour. Some days they play nicely, other days, when they are both especially tired, it is rather difficult. My son and I then get ready to cook dinner. I sometimes wonder if I am making my life especially difficult by cooking fresh food every night, but he loves cooking with me so it is nice.
By the time my husband gets home, the kid has been fed, read stories to, and is ready to drop off any time now. My husband works in London so the daily commute means that he is home pretty late. Dinner is two exhausted people catching up on each other’s day and just some time alone for ourselves. While my DH cleans up and does the dishes, I settle into the never ending reading.
Weekends are only slightly easier because my husband is around. But then there is music, swimming and golf lesson to take my son too. There are the weekly chores of laundry and cleaning to be done.
So what do I like about being a student-parent? I like the environment that a being in a university campus provides. I like the fact that my learning curve has never been this high, some of the classes have easily been, in my opinion, as best as it can ever get. I love the library, and I genuinely enjoy working on my PhD.
I love that being so busy means I have no time to dwell on anything negative, there is always something to be done. I also prefer the flexibility that a PhD provides, which can be very handy with a small kid. If he is sick, I can take a week off, and work harder the next week, a luxury which I never enjoyed while working. Also, when you know you only have so much time, you seem to focus better when you work.
What I struggle with: Time. When we first came to Cambridge, we would take our son to the student-parent gatherings on Friday mornings at the University Centre. I was initially overwhelmed being a student-parent and had asked several other student-parents, how it is they managed. One of them answered for everyone, “Look around, nobody is managing. We all struggle, but we also manage to enjoy!” Some days the fatigue of being a student-parent is just completely draining, other days your accomplishments as a student or as a parent make up for all the exhaustion!
The final verdict: I think it is rewarding enough to make us want to go through it!