The Romantic notions of being nice!

Garden variety self-help about staying positive and resisting negativity disturbs me. It is not just these two articles, it is everywhere. People, it seems, have started believing that ‘being nice’ = kindness. I cannot begin to imagine the consequences of this romantic notion, of raising a kid in Stepford! Thankfully, the world is nothing like Stepford.

One of my friends recently commented, “I hate the perfect Barbies! They are affected, and quite frankly extremely irritating!” While I see no reason why one should not be proper and civil with people in general, I could fully resonate with the view.

Bill Gillham, talking about Research Interviewing, says: "Being 'confrontational' has come to be seen as a bad thing in social contexts. For those who seek to smooth things down, to make things 'work' - does it ever really work that way?" He clarifies this a bit further, being 'confrontational' does not mean that one has to be routinely and overtly aggressive leading to conflicts, but tamely subordinating our own views for the sake of 'peace' is no way to go either.  If all played nice, no one would challenge anyone. Instead of pushing the boundaries of knowledge further, we would all be pushing issues under the carpet which would inevitably blow up in our faces. I have invariably seen that the nice ones end up hurting their loved ones more than those who learn to deal with conflict head-on. 

I am more convinced of the yin and the yang. There is good and bad in life; and the strength of character lies in dealing effectively with both. We cannot boycott parts of life. We should not be scared of conflict or criticism; instead we have to look at how it as an essential ingredient for growth. Imagine if we were to distance ourselves from everybody who ever criticised us; we would be left with false admirers and no scope for growth. What a sad state to be in! As a parent, I can only hope that I am able to instil in my child a sense of realism – the capacity to accept both good and bad without ever losing himself. That he stays grounded while seeking to grow!