Mean Girls 2.0

When I was young, my friend's mother once told my mom, that I and her daughter are like Potatoes. Potatoes or Aaloo in India is a vegetable that is believed to get along with any other veggies. We were the ones who used to get along with everyone. But as I grew older, I had lesser and lesser people I really chose to be with. If it were based on any merits worth mentioning, I would really be proud of myself; rather I just choose to be with people, who are fun. While I do not think I need to apologize for liking people who are fun, I do think that I need to be less judgmental. I have had fun with all of them at different times...so I really don’t know what brought out this change in me. Just the other day, some of us had gathered together for dinner after a movie and we began making fun of some of our friends. The reaction in one of our friend’s face…was what made me hit myself and say, “I cannot believe I’m doing it again”. I realize that it is very mean to make fun of anybody…let alone our friends, but I don’t know why I do it over and over again. It started with one of the couples, who were the standup comedians in the group. But they would do it, one, on your face and two, be totally unapologetic about it. I on the other hand, do also tell these thing on their face (in a dead serious manner, which I also intend to change) but still continue making fun of them when they are not around.

This is ‘Mean Girls’ all over again; hence the title. But I never ever dreamt of being this person in a hundred years and still, here I am facing the issue for an umpteenth time. One might be wondering why I posting it on my blog rather than making a promise to myself that I would never do it again. Well, I guess it would be because I have made and broken the promise many-a-times already. I even asked my husband to correct me so that I let go of the habit…but it doesn’t seem to help. One, because he is rarely ever listening to what I’m saying, and even if he does…I already would have said it…and realized it before he even gets a chance to point it out.

The other enabler for this issue is that I have a live, enthusiastic and participating audience. As always, I have a few selected friends who are always chipping in with their own anecdotes of what happened when they were doing this or that…rather than just giving me the plain, “Are u out of your mind?” look. And on occasion like the after-movie-dinner the other night when I do get this look, I vow to myself that I will never ever do it again, but as time goes by…the strength of the vow fades out and the need for a funny conversation creeps in….and there I go.

I think this is where the basic problem lies, in the fact that I consider it funny rather than it being mean or malicious. But that being said; I don’t think of it as an excuse for my doings. I really want to apologize for all the mean things, I ever said…and I want to make up to it by promising never ever to do it again.